Secrets, Love, and Duty
by PiperBAnne
Summary: Mac’s only loyalty may not be the JAG corps
1. Default Chapter

Title: Secrets, Duty, and Love

Author: PiperBAnne PiperBAnne@aol.com 

Summary: Mac's only loyalty may not be the JAG corps. And when she is called her duty may have to come before her family. 

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. We all love them but CBS owns them and an even smarter man created them.

JAG Headquarters

"Harm just give it up. Renee is growing on you." There was the sweet sound of Mac and Harms teasing each other, something that hasn't been heard in the office for quite some time.

"Renee and I have an understanding. But I am sure that she is not the one I can spend the rest of my life with." The office workers were working around them but listening at the same time. It was a nice change to have them back to their old antics. Harriet was amused the most. She was not hiding the fact that she was watching them walk to their offices. Just as they stopped outside the Colonel's door Harriet's phone rang.

"JAG Headquarters. How may we help you?" "Yes, Sir. Hold on please."

"Colonel? The phone is for you. They didn't mention who it was."

She smiled at one of her closest friends in the office. Things were getting back to normal, she thought. 

"Thanks Harriet. I'll pick it up in my office." Harm followed her into her office leaning against the frame. He was watching her pick up the phone and watched the smile on her face drop. She looked up at him, and gave him a forced smile.

"Harm. I need to take this. Can I meet you for lunch?" He was worried at the emotion he saw in her eyes. He couldn't figure out if it was fear, sadness, or confusion.

"Sure. I'll come get you when I'm ready." 

She watched as Harm made his way to his office and smiled at him when he looked back in concern. Shutting the door softly, she sighed and returned to the phone.

"Yes?" Sarah sat at her desk looking at her picture of the whole office group at Harriet and Buds wedding party. A look of sadness overcame her features, as she touched the photo.

"I understand sir." "No I will report this afternoon." "I know. No contact." "Yes Sir."

There was a click on the other end of the phone. Mac sighed and blinked back tears as she packed up the photo and the other personal items she held in her office. She put the in a small gym bag she keeps in her bottom drawer, so her packing wasn't obvious when she left.

"Tiner is the Admiral available?" Sarah doesn't remember ever being so nervous while entering her CO's office.

"Yes ma'am. Go on in."

Tiner looked back down at his work as he watched her close the office door.

"Colonel, at ease. What is it you needed to see me about?"

He watched his obvious nervous lawyer.

"Sir, I need to ask for the afternoon off. It is a personal matter."

He wanted to ask why, but could tell from her composure that he would not get a straight answer. 

"Request granted. Have a nice afternoon Colonel." 

Mac was relieved he didn't ask too many questions.

"Thank you sir." Just as she was about to leave she turned back around to address the Admiral.

"Permission to speak freely sir?" 

He looked up from his work. "Speak what you want Colonel."

"I think you do a great job here Admiral and you will be around longer then SecNav, and his threats to you. Of that I am sure."

Admiral AJ C. wasn't sure how to respond to her. He settled for a smile and a "Thank you Mac." He tried to dismiss the uneasy feeling that overcame him as he watched her leave.

Later that Afternoon

Harm went to knock on Mac's office door when Bud came up behind him.

"The colonel left for the day sir."

"Did she say where she was going Bud?"

He was worried ever since he saw her pick up the phone. Harm had to leave shortly after that for court so he didn't get to see her leave.

"No sir. She just came out of the Admirals office, packed her stuff, said goodbye to Harriet and I, then left. Come to think of it, she was acting a little weird. In the way she said goodbye and all."

"Thanks Bud."

Harm walked into his office and shut the door. It would be a dead end talking to the admiral. He knew their CO would think he was over reacting and dismiss him from the office. 'She is fine. Just took a day.' He told himself. 'Then why do I feel like something is wrong.'

As he sat down he noticed an envelope on his desk. It was addressed to him in Mac's handwriting. He couldn't bring himself to open the letter right away. After staring at it for a few minutes he broke the seal. What he read inside made his heart skip.

Dear Harm,

I am sorry that this is how things are revealed to you. A letter isn't enough to express to you how much I care for you. Our relationship was so estranged since Australia. I never meant to hurt you when I excepted Mic's ring. When he asked I told him no. Mic told me to keep it on my right hand for awhile until and if I was ready. My fear of loosing someone and being alone again is the only reason I can think of, when explaining the movement of his ring from on hand to another. Mic is good to me Harm and if I allowed myself to really open up to him I could fall in love with him. But Harm, I could never love him the way you have taken my heart. No man has ever stood up for me and stayed with me like you have. There have been times when I wanted nothing more then to yell at you for you to notice me, or kick your six from here to Antarctica, but I knew it wouldn't help any. You hold your heart close to you. We have both been hurt in our childhood, both loosing parents. But we reacted differently to the experience. You keep yourself from getting too close to care fully. I was once like that if you remember. Tried that tactic when I met you, and after my experience with Chris. Before you I sought any comfort in a relationship, wanted to be with another. This blinded me to truths about those I was with, Chris, was no better then my father. But Harm, you scared me. I tried so hard to be the tough marine you thought I was. Running from my past and hiding all my feelings. After a few months with you I felt myself opening up and truly caring again. Then there was Bud and Harriet; whose hearts are big enough to swallow anyone whole. You can tell them that for me Harm. Tell them I love them, and know that I love you. Even the Admiral has entered his own corner in my heart, and Webb; well Webb isn't as tough as he looks. He is a good friend to us Harm; he just has a funny way of showing it. Let him be your friend in my absence, and try not to let the Admiral beat on him again. Knowing you will ask him about me, understand if he turns down any news. He may not know. I don't know where I am going or when I'll be back. I want to come back to you. 

Take care of my family Harm. JAG is the only family I have.

Love, Sarah 

He read the latter over and over again. Not wanting to accept the obvious, she was gone. No reason, no hug goodbye, just gone. That he can not except.

MAC'S APARTMENT

Harm raced as fast as he could to her place. He left the office so fast the Admiral will probably punish him leaving everything unfinished. But he wasn't worried about that. The only unfinished business he was worried about was Mac. He noted that her lights were out, but pounded on her door anyway. After there was no answer, Harm let himself into the apartment with her spare key that she keeps above her door. His Marine always comes prepared. 

The apartment was quiet and still. Everything but her pictures remained untouched, they were no where to be seen. The closet and drawers still full, with her clothes, and the room still smelled of her. There was no sign of her or her destination. As Harm turned off the apartment lights and began to shut the door, something on her desk across the room shined from the hallway light. Moving to the desk, he found the proof he needed that she wasn't coming back to her place. There on the desk was her engagement ring to Mic. 

JAG Headquarters

Four Weeks Later

After that day four weeks ago there was no word from Mac. The Admiral and Harm both tried to open a missing case on her, but kept being denied by the SecNav. There was a quiet atmosphere around everyone at JAG. Everyone feared the worst and hoped for the best. Webb even came to Harm one day at his office. Telling him that he really knew nothing but that Harm would be the first to know when he did.

Harm wanted to take off and look for her, but he didn't know where to start. Since no missing persons case was able to be open, and she was not declared AWOL led him to the conclusion that this was an official matter. All he was able to do was wait and see what happened. He broke things off with Renee and buried himself in his work. Harm looked up into the bullpen and his attention was drawn to three uniformed Marines who entered, one carrying a folded flag. Bud pointed them to his office while he stood and exited his office. The whole office stopped work.

"Commander Rabb?" The senior officer asked.

"Yes." God he feared what the man was about to say.

"We present this flag to you for Colonel Sarah Mackenzie, who died in honor for her country. We are sorry for your loss."

The Admiral was summoned out of his office by Tiner. He stood silent and shocked at the presentation before him.

"I don't understand. What happened to her?" Harm was overcome with sadness and confusion at the same time, and looked at the man with disbelief.

"It is a classified matter, sir. There is no body to bury do to the nature of the situation of her death. She was a good officer, and a benefit to our country."

One of the other officers stood forward from behind his senior officer and handed a bag to Harm. "These are some of her personal items recovered from where she was stationed. I worked with her sir, she spoke of you very much sir."

The office watched as the three Marines turned and left. No one had the energy to stop them. All were too shocked to speak. The only noise heard was the sound of the Commanders door shutting softly. 

THE END?

MAYBE, BUT PROBABLY NOT


	2. Secrets, Duty, and Love. Wait

JAG HEADQUARTERS

THE SAME TIME

After Harm shut his door, he placed the bag of Mac's items on his desk. The sound of the zipper was the loudest sound in the room, followed by his breathing. Inside the bag were the missing photos from her office and apartment. He recognized the one from Bud and Harriet's wedding, and the one from the Christmas party a few years ago. The Christmas picture was of Harriet and herself holding missal toe over the heads of Bud and himself. She gave him a very chaste kiss on the lips, but one that lasted long enough for his body to register everything about her sweet lips. Other photos he found were mostly of him and her, and a few of her and her uncle up at Red Rock Mesa. The ones of him and her were taken at little A.J's christening, one of just him and her at the wedding and one with them with "Sarah." That photo he has never seen. It was obviously taken without his knowledge, because he was helping Mac, up into the plane. His hand was on her hip guiding her up the latter and he was so closed to her. Harm remembered that day with clearly.

"Harm I am a Marine. I think I know how to climb a latter." She was laughing at his totally male action. If it were anyone but Harm she would think he was trying to cop a feel.

"Mac, I am not going to let anything ruin this ride, and having you fall climbing in is not a way to start the day. Remember, I have to make it up to you for your first trip out with me." If she only knew he wanted to be close to her. The scent of her shampoo and the curve of her hip under his hand were all he could think about.

" Harm I have told you a thousand times over that was not your fault. Even if you check the plane over and over, you could have missed the crack. Besides what are the chances of running into another set of poachers." Mac turned around and come face to face with a very close Harmon Rabb. After a few moments of silence he let out a sigh and responded.

"We need to stay on schedule. And what would the Navy think if I let a Marine keep me behind schedule." He whispered.

She watched as he descended the latter preparing for take off. When she looked around she saw Harms friend who keeps "Sarah" in the hanger with a camera. He smiled and waved at her. She needed to remember to get the photo he took.

Harm was lost in his thoughts to see the man and the camera. He was trying to decide if he was stupid for not taking a chance and kissing her like he wanted.

Yup, he remembered that day all too well. How many times did he pass up chances to let go with her? How many times has she given him hints of her interest? He was blind. But it wasn't because he kept his heart close, but because he was so overcome with fear. Fear of letting him self act on his feelings and going against everything he has ever believed.

Harm looked in the bag and at the remaining items. The first was her dog tags and the other was a book. Picking it up he noticed it was an old copy of Romeo and Juliet. His Marine liked Shakespeare? Or was it the story of forbidden love that interested her. Was his role in this story to kill him self and meet her in the afterlife? Harm knew the story well, and he knew that Juliet lived when all thought her life was lost. He opened the front cover of the book and read her written note.

Romeo,

Don't act blindly in your time of mourning. Look around you and wait, Juliet will wake. The blind can not see their fate.

Your Juliet

He smiled and placed the book down. Mac had to be alive. Harm placed her tags around his neck and packed up her stuff. The one item he left on his desk was the photo of him and his two Sarah's.

ROBERT'S RESIDENCE

AJ'S BIRTHDAY PARTY

ONE MONTH LATER

"Harriet don't worry everything will be fine." Bud watched as his wife frantically ran around their place.

"I just don't know if we should be doing this now. Everyone is still a little off from the news about the Colonel. I just want them to have a good time that's all."

"Well not everyone is off, Harriet. I am a little worried at how normal the Commander has been. He has been working since we all found out, hasn't taken any action to find out what happened, and even smiled when he found out Renee moved to Australia with Mic! It is almost like he is just sitting and waiting, not really accepting that she is gone. I don't want to accept she is gone Harriet, it is like when we lost our little Sarah, but now I feel as though I lost a parent." 

She watched as his eyes watered up. There has been more of that then he would ever admit since the news of the Colonels death. She sees a sad look in his eyes whenever he looks to her office. No one there can bring them selves to empty it or move into it. All but Singer, that is. She has just been itching to move into that office. She even made comments to Gunny. Once he reported to Harriet that he was horrified at her comments.

"When is everyone going to forget about it and move all her stuff out of that office? The world goes on, deal with it." Replied Singer.

Gunny just walked right by her. 

And he said that was three weeks after her death. They all need closure, Harriet felt. Not being able to bury her body took a toll on the whole JAG family, and they didn't even know what to think about the secrecy behind her death. But it was disturbing that the Commander was able to work so easily. He even smiles at her office door.

The knock on her door brought her out from her thoughts.

"Bud you want to get that? I got to finish the kitchen." She left the living area.

Bud opened the door to find a smiling Commander Rabb behind the door with a big rapped box.

"Commander come in. You are the first to arrive."

"Hey Bud. Where's the birthday boy?" He let Bud take his coat and walked into the living area. He turned to watch Harriet walk out of the kitchen.

"Good evening Harriet. Bud have I told you lately how lucky you are?" 

His mood was almost contagious but disturbing at the same time given the circumstances.

"No sir. Thank You. Little AJ is in his room. You can go on back."

Bud and his wife watched as their friend left the room. He turned to her and saw her expression.

"I know, I know he needs help to deal with this." 

"Hey AJ. How's the birthday boy?" He sat with the boy on the floor who was playing with building blocks and a model plane. Little AJ just smiled at him and continue to play. "I have a present here for you. Do you want to open it now?" Again AJ Roberts smiled and nodded his head excitedly. When opening the box he was presented with two medium teddy bears. One was dressed in Navy dress white and the other was in Marine uniform. "AJ you know who these are? This one (holding up the Navy bear) is UNCLE AJ, Daddy, and I. and this bear here is for your Aunt Mac." 

Admiral AJ C. was looking watching Harm with the Robert's child. There has been so much sadness in the passed year. The loss of Baby Sarah was a surprise to everyone who knew the happy couple, and then the death of Colonel Sarah Mackenzie was a complete shutdown of how their lives ran. Life goes on, that it does, but you never know what one person brings to the world until you witness their absence. The past month has brought more questions then answers for the aging Admiral. Since Harm wasn't trying to find out the answers to the questions everyone was afraid to ask, he took it upon himself. The SacNav redirected any questions he had, telling him to move on. Webb was insistent upon the fact that he was restricted from any information on her last days, missions, etc. AJ almost felt sorry for the man. Webb was also mourning a friend, and at a time when he wanted to use what he learned to help his friends, he was blocked.

"AJ listen. There is no available information. I have looked and look and it is classified." Webb was sitting in the Admirals office after hours drinking Bourbon.

"Webb classified information has never stopped you in the past when it came to helping Mac and Harm out. I don't understand what is the problem now." The Bourbon they were drinking was of many late night drinks they have shared in meetings since this all started.

"No what you don't understand is when it is classified to you, it is open to me. When it is classified to me…AJ that is a whole other ball game. I don't know whom to turn to for information. I don't know what she was doing or who's orders she was following. What I have found out is that it probably wasn't the first time. There are missing chunks in her personal file. Months unaccounted for, or comments blanked out. Maybe the answers lay in the past. Does her uncle have any idea on what happened?"

"He only talked to me for a few short minutes. O'Hara seemed closed off to any idea of finding out what happened."

"I think we only have two choices, suffer the consequences of pursuing this any farther, or what and see what happens, and in the mean time get on with our lives." 

Now he knew exactly how Harm felt in the search for his father. What he didn't understand is why now, when Harm's obsessions and determinations were needed the most, he isn't doing anything. AJ would be stupid if he never thought Harm and Mac were involved, but time proved to him that they weren't. The one thing he could never understand is, 'why didn't they try?' Maybe everything was better that way. Both of them have been hurt in relationships, and never had much luck with them either, so staying apart was probably a way to save what relationship they did have. Nothing seemed right these days, Baby Sarah, Brumby and Mac, Harm and Renee; it was a never-ending roller coaster for the gossip channels at work. Was this the end of the road for the JAG drama? AJ just wished he could go back to that garden at the White House and take back what he said to them,

"Don't get too comfortable. You'll have to work together."

He continued to listen in on the two boys playing on the floor.

"Everyone misses your Aunt Mac, AJ. So do I. I am trying not to let it all effect me the way everyone expects, cause I know Mac wouldn't want me to keep this as my new obsession. Plus I am doing what she told me to do, waiting and watching. I just don't know how long I can wait little buddy. We were never close in every definition of the word. Kept secrets from each other, sometimes hated each other, got close just too pull away again, but that doesn't mean she hasn't effected me completely. She is one in a million kiddo and when she gets back we need take you out to the park."

AJ listened to his officer talk about the Colonel, and realized why he hasn't been mourning the loss of their friend. He either won't accept that she is gone or knows something that the others don't. He really hoped it was the later.

Harm looked up to see his CO watching him. AJ smiled at the two.

"Harriet has the party in full swing. The birthday boy needs to greet his guests."

Harm picked up the child and carried him to the outer room. Harriet was talking with Bud, and Tiner with Gunny. There were a few people Harm didn't know, family he supposed. The laughing child reached out to his mother. The party had a happier atmosphere then was expected. Mostly due to the fact that little AJ was laughing around and playing games with everyone. The adults were in conversation when the doorbell rang. Bud answered it to find Clayton Webb. 

"Sir? We thought you couldn't make it? What a great surprise, you might want to watch out for Baby AJ though. He might get your good suit all messed up." Bud smiled as the man entered.

"That's fine Bud. The birthday boy can't officially get in trouble with the CIA until he reaches the age of eighteen. Is Harm and AJ here? I need to speak with them. You and Harriet might want to know what's going on also."

"Yeah sure we can talk in the other room." 

Harriet stood with her husband near the kitchen table while Harm and AJ leaned against the counter tops. Webb was standing in the center of the kitchen waiting for everyone to settle.

"I received notice this afternoon that Mac was found in a Hospital out in Pennsylvania. The injuries to which she suffered were severe and it has left her in a coma. She has not been there all this time though. She was reported to be at the hospital for the last three days. Doctors don't know how she came there or who checked her in. She just appeared on one of the ER beds. At this time she is listed as a Jane Doe because there was no ID found on her. A friend of mine has been faxing me Jane Doe patients files for awhile now. I fear however that whoever did this to her and covered up her whereabouts might not let it end there. Mac was reported dead to us, so obviously someone wants it that way. The question is what do we do?"

THE END OF PART II 

  



	3. Secrets, Duty, and Love

Secrets, Duty, and Love

The place had an atmosphere of death as they walked through the halls. Webb who was leading the way, just showed his clearance card every time they were stopped. He had Mac moved from the public hospital to another location. Harm could still not figure what this place was. They entered one building, took and elevator down, and ended up in a medical facility. Obviously some CIA headquarters. Everything was still unbelievable to him. A year ago him and Mac were JAG lawyers, somewhat distant with each other at the time, but not here, not in this place of death. Following Harm and Webb was Harriet, Bud, and the Admiral. Baby AJ was left home with a neighbor. They were all trying to get some idea of what has been going on the last few months.

The room they entered was still and the beeps on the machines were almost hypnotic. The sound itself brought full attention to the ghostly white figure lying on the bed. If it wasn't for the sound of the heart monitor Harm would have thought she was dead. Harriet tried to cover up her sobs of pain and surprise but it was a failed attempt. She was escorted by Bud out of the room. Every visible part of Mac's body was bruised. Some obviously fresh the other's healing with age. The three men watched her machine controlled breathing, as if they were afraid to speak. 

Mac's life had taken many turns in its course. Some of the choices she made ended with deaths of her loved ones. Her mother leaving her at a young age was the beginning of the roller coaster. Eddie was the second loop in the structure. His last minutes were with her because she wasn't strong enough to tell him not to drive. It was her fault he was dead. Marrying Chris was a result of rebellion against her father, who was out of it him-self, most of the time. Chris made her feel wanted and they were able to get lost together with alcohol. But he too in the end was a destructive decision, and after his arrest and Eddies' death in the same week, her uncle came and saved her from it all.

Her uncle was able to convince her into joining the Marines and do something good with her life. He told her not to forget about the past because it makes you who you are, but not to get lost in regrets and "what ifs." Who would have thought that a drunk from a small town would become one of the best fighting Marines in training? Mac was recruited out of Marine training secretly, into a covert group of Marines, Navy Seals, and Pilots. Her skills were with the weapons. She had an unbeatable record in piecing together any weapon, from any country, without previous directions. Her language skills were another bonus. While in her new training sessions she learned dozens of foreign languages. They were trained for knowledge, speed, and precision. Many nights were spent practicing the breaches of foreign dictators' homes. Awards were actually given to the operative who could place the most hidden bugs in one home. Mac walked away with that award. The KGB Headquarters were easier to brake into then a safe.

After training was over, she was assigned two years in Russia watching out for American spies or MIA soldiers. The part she played was a simple role as a KGB agent. That was the most exciting thing she has ever done up to that point. Later when the mission was over she was reassigned as a weapons manager in Cuba for three years. That assignment was to watch their production of weapons and drug exports to the US. Her big assignment was actually an assignment in the US. She was placed as the head of White House security for awhile, washing out the leaks and traders. There were a lot more then the US government would ever admit. After her time with the big boys a team and herself were sent to Bosnia to control things there. That assignment was her last with the group. The agency took her out of the games and assigned her a murder case. A degree in law was one of the outcomes of her training. Along with many others when they need to be used. In the middle of the murder investigation she was pulled out. Her new assignment was with JAG Headquarters in Washington. The case was made unknown to her from the beginning. Mac stood outside the White House court, in the garden to keep out of view. The president knew who she really was as did his security, but the chances of other White House official recognizing her was too great. Her roller coaster came too a steady stop when Commander Harmon Rabb walked through that garden.

She had to keep herself as professional as possible. After her anger at being set up to find her uncle was gone, that was the beginning of a real life for her. She tried her hardest to keep her personal feelings away from her new partner. Waited for a call from the agency that would start her life of acting again, but it didn't come. Her act as a tough Marine was wearing thin the longer she stayed in the assignment. It was just too comforting to accept the idea of real friends. Bad thing was she always knew she held a secret, one that she could never tell them. Mac new that one day she would be called again, and would have to leave the place she has called home for years now. When the call came it was unexpected.

Mac packed up her pictures wrote a farewell to Harm, and said goodbye to her friends, Harriet and Bud. Her apartment was cleaned of her photos, but left the clothes because she knew where ever she was going, her clothes would not. Whenever starting a new assignment they provide you with the characters' wardrobe. The drive was not long to the White Hose basement. The familiar team was already there in black dress. She smiled at a few and walked to the back office. He was seated behind his desk when she entered, handed her an envelope, and smiled with a nod.

"Nice to have you back Mackenzie."

She smiled and nodded back.

"You kept me out of things for awhile sir. May I ask why?"

He directed for her to sit.

"New recruitment came in. We needed time and cases to train them on. So as a result you all had an extended vacation. I heard you have done good work Mackenzie, as always. What I wasn't prepared for was seeing you name and photos in the paper or TV."

She knew there would be questions regarding her publicity.

"Some of that was out of my control sir. I was expecting the agency to stop the printing of the papers, but I guess that was not priority."

Her part in the agency was as a senior officer. But now she felt as though she was a young recruit again. Something was not right.

"We were busy here cleaning up as much as we could on the Monica business. That was an unexpected turn. She was such a good operative, but then she had to go and get involved with the boss personally."

Mac smiled and laughed.

"You and I both know that mess was out of control way before we could ever clean it up."

"Yeah well we took a lot of heat from the big guy. Now we got this new guy in office, maybe some changes will be made."

Mac looked down at the envelope in her hands. Back to the life of secret identities and lies.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll find out on the way." He studied her for a minute. "Is there a problem?"

"No sir. It's just while I was out I made the mistake of making friends with great people, who didn't deserve to be lied to when I left. I just left, like I was trained. No explanation just left."

He felt for his operative.

"I know it will be hard for them and for you. We kept you to long and it is our fault if there was a relationship growth between you and the people you were with. They will receive some type of official notice as to why you are gone, and not coming back. You are dismissed."

"Sir, may I ask a favor? When they are told, and if anything happens to me, can they receive some of my personal items? I would like them to have them."

"That I can do. Now go out there to your team before they leave without you."

"Bye Sir, and thankyou."

"Good Luck Mankenzie."

He watched as the door shut behind her 


	4. Secrets, Duty, and Love

Harm was the only one in the room. He carefully held her hand in his, mindful of the cracks in her skin. It has been twelve hours since Webb brought them into the room. One month and four weeks since Mac, left them all. He didn't know what was appropriate to feel. Her hand in marriage at the time of her departure belonged to someone else, they were hardly talking to each other, but now his heart ached with the pain of loosing a spouse of many years. 

"Listen Marine, you wake up and we will have that long put off talk about overrated dress whites and gold wings. I think all this worrying is causing the Admiral too lose more hair, you wouldn't want to be held responsible for that now would you?"

He didn't know what to say. She needed to wake up and come back to them all; she wasn't an easily replaced piece in all their lives.

"Come on Juliet, Romeo's waiting, wake up for him." 

He laid his head down on her bed beside their hands.

The mission was to steal back nuclear weapon plans from a lab in Tokyo. The whole project had Mac at attention. There is something involved in this that she couldn't figure out. Before she went out on this case she left her bag of personal items with her CO. He would most definitely look through it all to make sure no communication was made. Her last message to Harm was made inside of a book. It wasn't right for him to obsess over whatever happened to her, when she was always telling him not to let his obsessions live his life. If she returned or not she new he would be ok, and he would take care of everyone else for her. It wasn't like they were romantically involved, but he was the closest friend she has had since Eddie. 

"Mackenzie you ready?" 

"Yeah."

"Then lets do this." Replied her friend

It was a success. They had breached and retrieved the plans without a peep from security. It was almost too easy. After they were finished they all went out to celebrate. Things were getting back to the old days, until a month later when approached by their CO.

They were told to leave the US and to stay in Chechnya until they were retrieved. Not long after they arrived and settled in new identities, they were attacked. Taking one look at them and seeing the way they worked, she knew it was a set up. Her own people had set her up. A report must have been "anonymously" received telling them about American spies in the area. BY the time they captured her she could not warn the others. They were beaten over a period of time and tortured for information. No one spoke, it is what they were trained to do. "Either dye being silent at the hands of the enemy, or dye a traitors death when they returned." That was the way things were done. She wasn't sure when she started to black out from the pain, or loose strength from the loss of blood, but one of the last things she thought she saw was Harms brother.

"God what are you doing here Mac?"

He carried her or helped her walk as far as he could. His people were coming to get him tonight, and he was planing on one more passenger. After returning safely to his land he was forced to hand Mac over to Two American officials who thanked him for his kindness to the American. He felt he could not tell them he knew who she was. They loaded her onto a jet and took off. It would be weeks before he could get word to his American brother.

"Have the others been recovered?" Asked the man not in uniform, smoking a cigarette. He was out of place in the room of Marine and Navy officials.

"We have recovered three dead, five alive, and the one who was recovered by the Russians. We are not sure if she will survive. A clean up crew has made sure no traces of them will be found were they were stationed. We have left the Russian boy alone because we would not want to start an unnecessary war with them. What I would like to know is why you felt this was necessary. They are great operatives."

The man with his cigarette smiled.

"Think of it as a test. Survival of the fittest."

"You have my best op on her death bed." Replied a man sitting at the end of the table.

"If she is your best, then she will recover, if not she was not."

"She will be placed in a Pennsylvania Hospital. She has friends looking for her, one who is with the CIA, they will find her."

"Should we allow that?"

The man with the cigarette exhaled

"Yes, she is of no use to us at the moment. If she survives and we need her, we will find her. We have our new recruits, now they need to be tested. Trust me I have dealt with men and their endless searches before. They aren't a problem, just an annoyance and I really wouldn't want to deal with that here, so let the people at JAG have their friend. Besides maybe we'll get lucky and she'll breed with the right kind of man."

Everything was a wonderful daze. The pain was gone and her body was full of a childlike spirit. Mac was sitting on a bench in the middle of a park on a day when the sun was amazingly bright. She was watching a young boy with dark mousy hair playing on the swings. He was waiting for someone. He swung and swung with all his energy trying to see how hi he could reach when another child ran from behind him tagging his shoulder.

"Your it Harm."

She laughed as he tried to catch her around the set. 

"What took you so long Sarah. You promised you'd be back right after lunch."

The little girl looked at her friend and smiled.

"I'm sorry Harm. I promise to be on time next time, K? Truce?"

She held out her hand to her young friend.

He smiled a big bright smile and tagged her on her shoulder.

"Your it."

Mac watched them laugh and play. They looked so happy in their own world. She couldn't shake the feeling that there was somewhere she had to be, something else she had to do.

"Any change Harriet?" Harm had to leave the building for awhile to check in at work and his apartment to got new clothes. Harriet sat with her all day and prayed for her friends health. There was a time not in the distant past that they were both happy.

"OK Harriet one more shot and you tell all." 

They were playing a game of darts one night after work at the Irish Pub they hung out at. They weren't really playing the traditional way, but a way that was just so much more exciting. If Mac hit the center, Harriet had to give a secret, If Harriet hit the center Mac had to spill it all out to her.

"Colonel I do not believe you have seen me play darts. I will have you talking so much ma'am that you will not know what happened. Have you ever tried playing this with Bud or the Commander, when they have had a few drinks? I heard the most interesting things from them. Since this game is a game of secrecy I could never reveal what was sad, unless of course I was forced to reveal them." She said with a knowing smile to the Colonel 

"Well lets just see if it is my lucky day." Mac concentrated on hitting the center of the board. When she hit the center she turned around and smiled at Harriet.

"I do believe you are in dept to me. The price is one of Harms secrets."

They were laughing so hard as Harriet told her some of the stories Harm had revealed to her in his drunken daze.

"He said his head was stuck in through the railing until his mom came home. Then Frank had to cut it to get him out. The girls were teasing him at school about having a big head He actually thought his head would shrink if he tried squeezing it through. I swear Ma'am I thought he was going to cry when he talked about them teasing him."

They went on all night trading stories about Harm and Bud. God those two could be a handful. When Harm and Bud walked up to them at the end of the night Mac and Harriet just took one look and cracked up. The men had no idea what was going on with the two women.

"No. The doctors were in earlier to check her out. They said that when she was found at the other hospital her major injuries had already been attended to. They think it was the shock to her body that has placed her in a coma, that and the body needs to heal itself. But there has been no change from her."

Harm had already heard it all from the doctor. He decided to change the subject to something happier for Harriet. 

"Things were a little more up beat at work then they have been. I think after AJ's party Tiner and Gunny have some idea of what is going on, but Lt. Singer is still clueless. I even had to keep her from cleaning out Mac's office today. When she asked the Adimiral about it, he smiled Harriet. Just smiled and told her he had plans for that office and not to touch it. She walked away mumbling something about competing with a ghost, but he just let it pass and walked back in his office. We really do work in a wonderful place don't we?"

Harriet was glad things were getting back to normal. JAG was a wonderful place when everyone was being their usual selves.

"Yes Commander it is a great place to work. Lots of friends. Now you know how we all felt when you returned to go flying. Now I am not saying it was a bad choice, we should all follow our hearts and live our dreams no matter what we have to do to get there. All I meant was that you were missed. We all loved having you around and missed you when you weren't."

Harriet really was a beautifully caring woman. Bud deserved her and she him.

"Thank You Harriet. I don't think I will be going anywhere for a long time. I left a lot of people behind last time."

She smiled at Mac lying on the bed.

"Well I should be heading home now. Is there anything you want Bud to bring you later on."

"No thanks Harriet. I will be fine. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Sir."

Harm looked over to Mac and smiled. 

"See Mac. We all want you to wake up."

"Come on Sarah it is time to go home."

The young boy was obviously becoming upset that his young female friend would not return home with him.

"Harm it's so nice here. I don't want to go home."

"Sarah you have too. Your family will be looking for you."

"No Harm I am not going."

The little girl turned in the opposite direction and faded away in the now coming fog.

Mac looked around her. The sun was gone, the children were gone and she didn't know where she was to go.

Three weeks passed before there was any change from Mac. The doctors took her off the respirator and moved her to another room. Harm and Harriet continued to come everyday, Bud and the Admiral when they were away from work and Webb when he was in town. Harriet was sitting with her telling her about little AJ when Mac's eyes started to flutter open. She noticed this and stood up.

"Ma'am?" Harriet wasn't sure of what to do. She pressed the call button for the doctor. "Mac can you here me?"

They were all standing around the office. Bud laughing with Harriet, Tiner trying to tell Gunny about his alien interests and Harm was watching the tv screens with the Admiral. Lt. Singer was watching in the background, staring at Mac's office. Mac emerged from the elevators with a smile on her face. She was glad to be back here. She walked into the bullpen and they all turned to salute her. Lt. Singer came out from where she was standing and stood directly infront of Mac. 

"I don't believe you are ready to come back ma'am. I don't think this will ever be your place again. Did you really think they would all forgive you for lieing and leaving, act like nothing happened. I thought you were self- centered before but now I just think you are stupid."

All Mac could do was stand there speechless. What was there to say? Then she felt a pain in her side.

"What's wrong ma'am. You look ill. Uh oh ma'am you are out of uniform. The one you are wearing is no good."

Mac looked down to see blood staining through her uniform jacket. Singer was holding a bloody knife in her hands. When she looked up to the others they were all watching her. 

"Harm?"

He shook his head and turned away from her. Harriet, Bud, The Admiral, Tiner, and the Gunny all turned away.

"See told you they wouldn't forgive you. They don't care what happens to you now. Looks like I might win."

Mac looked around and she was alone. The pain was becoming too much to bear when she collapsed to the ground.

"Harm! No!"

Since Harriet reported Mac's movement earlier that day, Harm and Bud have been sitting around her waiting for her to wake up. Her doctors said it could have been a body reflex or it could be a sign that she is dreaming. If dreaming was the case they expected her to wake sometime in the next few hours. When she did it scared them all out of their thoughts. Everything was silent until the quiet woman on the bed woke up screaming.

"No!" Her breathing was out of control and they all tried to calm her down before she re-injured herself. 

"Mac calm down. Mac?"

She didn't seem responsive to anything that was happening around her.

Mac couldn't see very well. Everything was blurry and the sounds were mixed. There were people in the room, that she could feel, but she didn't know who they were. That was until she felt his hand on her face. Her vision was clearing and she could see Harm thousand dollar smile."

"That's a real nice smile commander. I am sure it gets you what you want." Her voice was scratchy and she could hear the sound of Bud and Harriet laughing at her joke.

"Well at least you're here to see it." Harriet handed him a cup ice for the Colonel.

"What am I doing here? What are you doing here?"

The last thing she remembered was being captured in Chechnya, and the horrible beatings that followed. Tears started coming to her eyes at the memory of her friends dying around her.

"You were found in a hospital in Pennsylvania. Webb brought you here. Apparently you ended up captured with the same people who had my brother. When he was recovered he brought you with him. Webb received a notice from someone telling him that you were safe now with and not to worry about the agency?"

She nodded for him to continue.

"You were severely injured when you were found. You've been in a coma a couple of weeks. We didn't know if you would wake up. Harriet and I have been here with you, Bud and the Admiral when they could get away from the extra work. Not everyone knows you are alive Mac. We weren't sure what was going to happen when you woke up. Didn't know where you would return too. It has been interesting watching Lt. Singer pace by your office everyday." He watched her cringed as he spoke.

"What is it?"

She couldn't get the dream with Lt. Singer out of her head.

"I am sorry. So sorry that I did what I did. I never should have let you all get close to me." She was fighting tears. Mac felt so tired.

"It wasn't your fault Mac. We all have been worried for you since this all started. You did what you had to do. No one blames you for anything. I for one am more interested in your story."

"There isn't much I can tell you at the moment. I wouldn't even know where to start. Everything has changed so fast and I don't know what to do. If Webb received notice that I am out, then I am out. But what I will never no is for how long and why? We were set up Harm. It was so obvious but I couldn't see it until it was too late." She started to close her eyes in exhaustion. 

"It's ok Mac. Go to sleep. We will figure out what to do when you wake up. Go to sleep."

"Thank you." Was all Mac could say before sleep overcame.

Harm looked to Bud and Harriet but they were all at a loss at what to do next. Bring her back from the dead or keep her in a safe place until Webb could find out if it was really over.


	5. The End

Harm's Apartment

One Week after Mac's Release

"Come on Harm I have to find somewhere to live." Mac's apartment was sold and emptied by the men she used to work with. Her clothes were placed in a storage facility and were returned to her after her release from the hospital. She has been staying with Harm.

"Mac you know you wouldn't be happy in any old place. I don't care how long it takes you are welcome to stay here. Besides I like your company." Harmon Rabb Jr. has made the Marine Colonel blush. He gave her one of his famous smiles as he watched her look through the papers. "Come on you need to take a break. What would you like for dinner, and no Burgers, Doctors orders."

"When did you go back to school and become a doctor? I know I wasn't gone that long, and I know my doctor didn't say no burgers, just no work or labor. I will have whatever you are, ok?" It really wasn't bad living at Harm's. Harriet set up a cot and he insisted she take the bed. Something was definitely going on in that head of his she just couldn't figure it out. He has been extra caring to her needs. There have been more touches from him and more compliments. If she didn't keep a tab on her emotions she wouldn't be able to control her reactions to him. There were also some things she knew they needed to talk about. About things she wrote in her letter to him.

"Mac? You ok? I think I lost you for a minute." He was preparing some chicken soup for her and a salad for the both of them. Her body was much thinner then before this all began he noted. 

"Yeah I was just thinking. Harm has the Admiral spoken to you about my returning to JAG? Would I still belong there?" Her dreams were haunted at night with the images of her friends turning away from her. Lt. Singer telling her she doesn't belong. She looked up into his eyes when he placed the bowl of soup infront of her.

"Mac everyone wants you back at JAG. Things haven't been the same since you left. Are you considering not coming back?" His nights were haunted by the possibility that she doesn't come back. He has images of her going off with Brumby leaving him with Renee.

"Harm. I want to come back. JAG is the first place I have ever felt accepted and wanted. In my line of work I never got much choice where I was to go. Now they have given me that choice. I don't pretend to know why, but I am not about to ask too many questions if I get to stay where I love. I am just worried about what everyone thinks of me. I lied to them Harm. I won't ask them to forgive that." She really didn't want to cry. Ever since she woke up in the hospital she has felt emotionally tired.

"Everyone was so horrified and upset when we thought you were dead. I myself had to keep everything in control or I would have fallen apart too. I knew you didn't want me too go out and make you my new quest. But I wanted to so much. People have this image of us at JAG as being built hard and strong, and unemotional. But we all know different. There is this bond between everyone who works at JAG. Give or take a few. Webb is in but Singer has definitely not charmed anyone. What I am trying to say Mac, is that we can't be mad at you. What you did you did because you had too. Maybe it would have been easier to accept that you were dead, and know. Then know you were alive but never know what has become of you. It wasn't your choice to tell us you were dead. I don't know if I am making any sense at all, but you need to know that no matter what you do nothing can change the way we feel about you. The way I feel about you." He watched her take in everything he was trying to say to her.

"I want o come back to JAG." She said with a smile at him.

"Now eat up or you do the dishes." Things were definitely looking up.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

"Bud hurry up with that. The Commander and Colonel will be here soon." They were all throwing a welcome back party for Mac at the Pub. Organized by Harriet of course. She was trying to get Bud to hang the sign but he was having some trouble.

"There. One big welcome back sign, thirty-six welcome back balloons, twenty-eight beltway burgers, and everyone was invited. I think that about does it Harriet. Has she found a place to live yet?" He was cleaning up the mess that he made with the tape, so he didn't see his wife smile. 

"No. I do believe she is still staying with the Commander Bud. Isn't that great!" she knew she shouldn't be talking about two senior officers like she is but they are also friends.

"Harriet what are you talking about. The Colonel can't live with the Commander. Why would she go through all this trouble to come back when living together will get them reassigned?"

"Bud, they aren't getting married just staying with each other." Tiner walked up behind Harriet and handed her his gift.

"Who isn't getting married?" He was glad things were getting back to normal.

" I was just telling Bud how great I think it is that the Commander has offered the Colonel a place to stay until she can find something. It will give them a chance to work things out between them. I still think they belong together and even if it isn't appropriate for the Commander and Colonel to live together, if they wanted, I am sure the Admiral would work something out. Leaving out the problem of regulations HARM and SARAH who are two very smart people are due for some happiness in their lives. Don't you think so Tiner?" 

"I would love to see them together. But if they do I hope it is ok with the Admiral because I am the one who always has to deal with the trail of what is left after a bad meeting. I don't like the Admiral in a bad mood." He was helping Harriet with the balloons.

"You know her would probably never say it to them directly. But my motherly instincts tell me the Admiral loves those two like his children."

"Harriet if I were you I would stop making assumptions about everyone. You know it only makes an ASS out of U and ME." Bud said with a laugh and Tiner joined him.

"Good one Sweetie. I don't believe I have heard that since grade school. Come on guys lets finish this up. Oh Bud and Tiner I bet you she doesn't move out of his place." Harriet was all giddy.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

"Mac we're going out tonight. It will be nice to get some air." He was watching her as she combed her wet hair in the bathroom area. He stood behind her and grabbed the comb so she could do her makeup. 

God he was being so soft with her. He had a hand on her should as the other made slow strokes through her hair. It was beautiful to watch his concentration. When she was done with her makeup she turned around to him and was surprised to find him so close. She had to lean back on the counter to look up at him.

"Harm?" She breathed as he played with the strands in the front of her face. 

"Yeah?" He loved how her hair was growing long. It was a little longer then it was when they first started working together. This woman had successfully turned him into a sap, he thought. And he had no problem with it at all

"It has been three weeks. I need to find somewhere to live before my stuff starts growing from every corner of this place." She didn't want him to stop, as his fingers continued to play with her hair.

"Your stuff could grow from the ceilings Mac. I really have no problem with it." Their closeness was starting to affect his thinking. He listened to her change in breathing and knew it was affecting her too.

"We need to think rationally Harm. I know I have asked you for this before, but I began to realize what you couldn't let go of. You have spent your life loving the Navy I can't let this ruin that. Harm…"

She was cut off by his kiss. It was slow in the beginning but quickly grew into a feeling of passion that floored them both. When they broke away for air he rested his forehead against hers.

"I have spent the last couple of years loving you Mac. I don't think I could give you up now after everything. It almost killed me to see you with Mic but I accepted that he made you happy. When you were sick I realized I couldn't let you go even if I wanted. I don't want to. Stay. Stay with me Mac."

"I'm not going anywhere flyboy."

And then she kissed him.

…………………………………………………………………………….

"Harriet are you sure you told the Commander seven thirty?" Bud was worried that they were late. He looked up as the lights went out and he heard Harriet whisper that they were coming.

The door to the Pub opened and Harm and Mac walked in. "Harm it's dark."

"SURPRISE!" everyone yelled.

Harm nodded his approval when he saw Mac smile ear to ear. "It's not my fault we're late. She may be a marine but she still takes as long as every other woman to get dressed."

"And whose fault was it that I had to get dressed twice." She whispered in his ear, and she was awarded with his hitched breathing. Harriet walked up to Mac to give her a hug and smiled approvingly at their closeness. This next year would be interesting indeed.

"Welcome back ma'am."

"Thank you Harriet. You didn't have to do all this." Mac looked around to all her coworkers who were busy getting food and drinks.

"We really wanted to ma'am. We all missed you terribly."

The evening was full of tears of laughter and love as the JAG family remembered all the good times they have spent together. Mac was happy she chose to stay with JAG. There wasn't anywhere else she wanted to be at that moment. It was inevitable that problems will arise somewhere in the future. Her and Harm will be forced look beyond the present and deal with the Navy regulations. But right now at this moment and in this Pub, tomorrow is not a factor and yesterday is just a memory. 

THE END


End file.
